Guilty retreat

Before I left to join the journey to the Enchanted Forest I did run by the potting shed to collect my seeds, but as usual I am lagging behind and the seed packets were all gone. Luckily at the bottom of the bin I found two loose seeds. I had no idea what they were but I was in a hurry so I grabbed them and ran back to my apartment and threw them into wooden box filled with dirt on my deck that a former tenant must have left. Then the child in me ran off to visit the enchanted forest with the rest of the journeyers.

You may remember that I started out the year with a priority list: " I had decided to stay close to home and work on a booth for the Sunday market." I have some neat ideas and have already started working mornings in the castle workshop, but then I hear the word picnic and run off like a child to join the new fun.

Have you ever noticed how the older you get the wiser you get on certain subjects but for some reason your actions do not match your knowledge? Being a mother you learn quickly to control your world. No longer is it what I want but what is best in the home world for the children.

Control extends to what they do, when they do it, and even where the go, what they eat, when they bath, brush teeth, do their homework, etc, Even we as parents must conform; tape violent shows for later, turn down the set at bedtime and all the other little things influenced by the good of the whole. But then the children get older and more and more mother is forced to give up a lot of that control . The trouble is the habit lingers on and soon you are accused of being that bitch word, ‘CONTROLLING’. Then one day you realize that it is impossible to control another person. The only person you really have the ability to control is yourself, a great revelation but not so easy to do.

Now I am an intelligent woman and knowing this fact I realize it is time to control my own world to fit my needs. Then something comes along that peeks my interest and all well intended use of this knowledge disappears. . That is the moment that the priority list was left on the kitchen table, the seeds thrown in the wooden box of dirt, and I am running off to a group picnic. Like a child I do not want to be left out.

I realized I had made a mistake the next morning when all my senses wanted to follow my original ideas but I had committed myself to another journey which I well knew I could not handle. I retreated in guilt but with reconfirmed purpose.

On returning to my Suite I sat at my kitchen table with a cup of tea and reviewed my priority list once more. It was at that moment I looked out the sliding glass doors to the deck beyond and saw what one of the seeds had produced. There, glowing in the sun, was the most unusual, beautiful, baffling sight I have ever seen for a plant. . I ran for my camera to share with everyone what my mystery plant at produced.